Testament, Florida

There probably aren’t enough parental advisory warning labels out there with enough gum left on them to cover this book appropriately. Be prepared as you open up the cover to discover a world that is short, nasty, brutish and filled with the most wretched forms of thuggery. If you are looking for moonbeams, polka dots, and a weeklong adventure with cuddly purple dinosaurs, think again.

Fairy Tales for Hard Men is a group of twenty chapters published previously in numerous hardcore pulp magazines chronicling twenty years in the Testament, Florida, Wrestling Federation. Testament, to hear it right, is little more than a crumbling wrestling arena, a penitentiary, fetid Drug Dens, trailer parks, desperate hooker’s strolls, and primeval swamp. If you tipped the continent of North America on its side and let all the trash slide down sooner or later it ends up here in Testament, broke, ratty, covered in vomit, feces, and assorted bodily fluids, and punctured with every bullet hole imaginable. There’s no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

But, what makes it work (and it surely ain’t for everyone) is that there is no let up, no peeking out from a curtain, no moral to the story, and no happy endings. Indeed, the author creates this world where desperate wrestlers end up at the edge of society where all rules are broken and nothing but violence is respected. The thing about Testament is that there’s little difference between what goes on in the prison yard and what takes place in the alleys and byways of this town.

all-due-respect-books crime-fiction-all crime-fiction-anthologies ...more10 s Scott CummingAuthor 8 books59

"Everyone in the fight game washes up in Testament eventually - it's just a case of how hard you land when you come skidding down the shit-streaked career pipeline."

The Testament Wrestling Alliance, as the above quote demonstrates, is the bottom rung of the professional wrestling ladder and the stories within this collection show that once you fall this far there isn't anything you won't do. The majority of the stories happen outwith the squared circle detailling what the various "has-beens and never-weres" are doing to get by and it is typically rather grisly to say the least.

In Leins inimitable style, there is the sordid imagery and the wicked turn of phrase to keep you rapt. "I'm not even sure which one of these bastards I'm going to shoot, but the other one will be picking brains out of his hair all fuckin' afternoon," just one of many memorable lines throughout. The stories are only loosely linked between the town, the wrestling and the characters, of which there are a lot, but the stories are vastly entertaining and don't really require you to remember who everybody is.

A funny, blood-drenched collection spanning 20 years in the history of the worst wrestling federation to ever exist in the company of its assorted murderers, robbers and druggies.

Everyone in town wanted to wrestle for Fingerfuck Flanagan, in the Testament Wrestling Alliance, and most of us regretted it - one way or another."
4 s Eric414 31

When it comes to hardcore noir tales of modern-day writers, there are fewer as consistently good as Tom Leins.

But be forewarned - when it comes to hardcore noir fiction if you are squeamish or don't appreciate those writers that can really write compelling hard-core noir as a guts and blood ballet, then maybe the writing of Tom Leins should be taken in small doses.

This book is a collection of graphic noir focusing on the world of professional wrestling and the fans of Tom Leins will not be disappointed. 4 s Tom Woods25 2

I loved this book. 21 interlinked tales, each one relentless in its pursuit of visceral impact. While each story can stand alone (and many have done in previous publications), it all just works so well collected together, building this rich, bloody tapestry of desperation and violence.

It kept reminding me of 'Boogie Nights'. Not the first half of the film, when our hero's on the rise - but the second half, when his star's almost completely faded, and he's reduced to tagging along to ill-fated drug deals.

Not for everyone. Was for me.1 Andy RauschAuthor 84 books50

I read crime fiction a lot. I've also written a fair number of crime novels myself. The crime fiction writing universe is pretty small. I had heard Leins' name here and there, had seen that we had books out from some of the same publishers. But there are a lot of books out there and it's tough to get to everything. So, in short, I had never read the man's work until I picked up this book, primarily because I was excited by the weird and unique idea of a crime fiction book about professional wrestlers. Frankly, I expected to the book, not love it. But damn, this book is fantastic. It's right smack dab in my wheelhouse for sure. This made me want to pick up the rest of the guy's books. I generally read books by guys Elmore Leonard, Joe R. Lansdale, Paul D. Brazil, Don Winslow, Max Allan Collins, Richard Stark. Well, this guy is right up there. Seriously, I loved this. It is as gritty as anything I've read, but it's also bleakly humorous. I was reading this while sitting in a hospital waiting room, and I kept bursting into laughter, then feeling slightly embarrassed as I was surrounded by people.

I never say this, but this book really inspired me as a writer. If you don't books with sex, violence, and lots and lots of cursing (and a heavy bit of gore), steer clear of this. But... if you books with some or all of those things, as I do, this is for you. This book was just sheer fun. I cannot recommend this to fellow crime fiction enthusiasts enough. I co-edited an anthology last year that included a lot of great writers, including three of the previously mentioned authors (Lansdale, Collins, Brazil), and had I known how good Tom Leins was, I would have asked him to be in it, as well. Hell, reading this makes me want to do another anthology just so I can include him. This is not hyperbole; Tom Leins is fantastic.

I don't know Tom Leins, but I'm super pissed at him right now; pissed that the book wasn't longer because I didn't want it to end. Nine stars out of 5.1 Joe Surkiewicz47

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