Breathe in! Breathe out! I’m just a weeping mess! The story of Emory and Joey hit harder to me than I expected! Brother-sister unique bounding stories are triggering subjects for me because of my personal loss! At some chapters, I stopped my reading, choking out, taking deep breathes, gathering my composure to turn back to my reading! But I’m honestly shaking to the core!I’m trembling!

This epic story is realistic slap across your face! It reminds you of it’s impossible to be perfect parents and it’s impossible to raise perfect kids. There’s no formula, no instruction book! I wish it could. You read the manual and fix your children’s problems fixing an IKEA furniture. It’s obvious you will make mistakes and you cannot direct your children’s lives by putting restrictions, giving them long lists, choosing their friends, controlling the choices they make. That’s not how parenting works. You’re doomed to make mistakes, screw things over but you also try harder to learn from them.

The opening of the book is mind blowing! Emory finds herself trapped in a car, as her brother’s bestie Leonard is driving it a madman, while Emory tries to soothe Candy who is screaming at the top of her lungs because Emory’s brother Joey passed out at the back seat of the car. He doesn’t move,probably OD’d. And BAM!

Emory opens her eyes at the hospital, her leg in a cast, confused, numb. Her sister Maddie is by her side, parents arguing because her brother was overdosed and his best friend Leonard is sent to juvie because he killed Candy- yes that innocent, sweet girl who wanted to leave the party earlier because of severe headache, trapped in a car with them and now she’s casualty of the tragic innocent.

Emory has been already struggling from lack of social life. Her only friend Liza has been cut out of her life because of her mother’s intervention and now entire school blames her and her brother because of Candy’s death. She’s wounded, she’s pariah and she is also designated caretaker of her brother who returns back from rehab. Their mother gives them long lists filled with rules as if they’re her junior assistants instead of kids.

Emory is always negotiator, peacemaker, doing always what her parents told her, obedient, sweet, good daughter of the family as her big sister is beauty queen, smart, popular college student and her brother… her rebellious, artsy, introvert brother Joey always gets the full attention with his addiction problem.

Emory needs to be seen, to be cared, to be listened! Nobody hears her silent screams or sees invisible scars! She feels invisible, passing through two workaholic parents and her suffering brother in the house and she wants to scream: “ please let me live my own life! I don’t want more responsibilities! I want to live my own life! I want to make my own choices! “

She has a crush on her neighbor next door: Gage, making out with him secretly at the pool house. But even Gage insists to keep things secret, hiding their intimate moments in the dark, keeping her in the shadows.

The question is simple: what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?

She needs to be seen! She needs to be cared! She needs to be heard!

But she also sees her brother’s struggle. She has to help him but how can she help a person who doesn’t need to get help.

This book is deep, heart wrenching, soul crushing family drama. It’s about parenting, addiction, bullying, #metoomovement, slut-shaming, cancer, sibling bonding, friendship!

It’s touching, tear jerking, sentimental and the conclusion of the story is so realistic and gut punching!

I want to finish my review with some parts I chose from Emory’s stunning poem:

I’m a girl on a stage and I have nothing beautiful for you.
I’m a girl on a stage and you think you know my story.
But how can you know my story when I haven’t written it yet.
When I haven’t had a chance to live it yet.
How can you know my story
When you don’t even know me!

Giving my five tear jerking, self respect, self discovery, bravery, growing spine stars!

Special thanks to NetGalley and Random House Children’s / Delacorte Press for sharing this amazing digital reviewer copy with me in exchange my honest opinions.405 s Melissa ? Dog/Wolf Lover ? Martin3,589 10.8k

My God, how do I start this review!! I had a million words and they have left me…… this author, every time!

I’m not fine! I’m broken! - Mel





This book made me feel what I felt, feel what I feel, cry, hate, love… understand.



These characters are wonderful. Flawed. They are a lot of us when we were young. A lot of us as parents and the people who are lost.

When I first started reading the book I was getting myself prepared for what the author was going to do to me. I got to a point in the book that I felt was going to be the same old bullshit I read nowadays and felt bummed. I was so wrong. This book is about ALL the things.



Emory, Joey, Jeremy, Eliza, Daniel…. I love you guys so much!!

My whole life, I just wanted to feel better. Forget about what a loser I was. And then I found a way to do that.

*

If I was Joey, I’d be pawing through the house looking for anything, something to dull all this down. Forget I’m even me.
I get it now. I really get it.

I hated the parents in the beginning. They didn’t treat their kids very good. They are rich and jerks, but sometimes bad things have to happen to wake someone up. They have Emory who is the good kid, the invisible kid. Maddie, the perfect kid. Joey the bad, loser kid. Joey and Emory did things to try to hide the pain, to feel wanted. Some of the things were stupid and you’re screaming in your head for them to stop. I was young once and did things, a lot of people were in their place or worse. I’m in that place in some ways now. BUT, you can’t judge! You need to find your compassion! It tore my empathy into little pieces. I cried, I laughed and cried some more. And the homeless and the hope that was given!! Damn it!! It was so horrible and wonderful!

I had a lot more I wanted to say, so much more! It just all went out the window. I just know I want to do even more to help people before I die.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! AND I LOVE YOU!

Mel
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