The generational trauma is strong here. As you well know, I just about request every Vietnamese diaspora book. And I will 100% request anything where the author shares my surname. Helen Hoang, Jolie Hoang, and Brandon Hoàng, what what?

I nearly took off another star for the pain this made me feel, but as the story moved on, so did I. A story told in two parts, there is Jane in 1999 and Phúc in 1975. No, it isn't pronounced fuck. No, you're not funny.

Jane is one of those Vietnamese American teenagers that hates herself and her culture. I grew up very similarly, and it took many many years for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. She'll get there. She's rather unable as a result, but I think she's meant to be.

Phúc is Jane's father, and white Americans would probably call him unnecessarily abusive. I'm not downplaying this. It's cultural, yes, but his trauma from fleeing the war also plays a part. Obviously, he is also very unable, but again, I think he's meant to be.

Phúc's wife left the family, and in her absence, Jane is meant to be the family's caretaker. She cooks, even though no one has ever shown her how. She takes care of her younger brother, Paul, making sure he does his homework and often picking him up from school. She also manages the cash register at her father's liquor store. Before you cry child labor, this is a very normal immigrant child experience.

As we learn more about Jane's insecurities and Phúc's life before and while he fled Vietnam, we begin to grow a little closer to their characters. At the end of all of this, I don't want to say I d them more, but I definitely understood the familiarity of everything I was reading.

This won't be for everyone, and not every book is, but if you are the child of immigrants or refugees, living in the diaspora, you will get something from this. As always with books this, I that they don't translate all of the dialogue. If you care, Google it. If you don't, don't complain.74 s5 comments Nursebookie2,349 373

TITLE: MY FATHER THE PANDA KILLER
AUTHOR: Jamie Jo Hoang
PUB DATE: 08.29.2023 Now Available

MY FATHER THE PANDA KILLER is one phenomenal read that gutted me from the very first page. The story is told through alternating view points of Jane’s story in 1999, the summer before she starts college at UCLA, a daughter to Phuc a liquor store owner and big sister to Paul. Then there is the timeline where Jane tells Paul the story of their father Phuc in 1975 as he attempts to escape Vietnam and the story of their father’s childhood and family.

I found myself in tears and in a mess of emotions from angry and sad, to understanding and forgiveness. In between, I found myself in the story - some parts were hard to read only because wounds I thought were completely healed started to open up again.

This book is not for the weak of heart. Hoang writes an incredible story from the Vietnamese point of view on the Vietnam war, the broken families, the deaths, the escape, what it’s to be a refugee, and how it’s to survive the horrors of war.

Then there is Jane’s story - who also had to survive the generational trauma, and learned to love unconditionally and forgive freely.

Brava to author Jamie Jo Hoang this novel is a triumph. Thank you for writing this story.13 s Sandra333 713

Full thoughts/review here: https://youtu.be/_Pso4Ebvp58

A very hard story about identity, trauma and abuse. I missed some commections between the chapters, but still a solid read. 3.5/4.5 s Guadalupe35 2

*Thank you Netgalley and RHCBEducators for this eARC in exchange for an honest review!*
Posted to: NetGalley, Goodreads, and The StoryGraph
Posted on: 4 June 2023

4.8 (rounded up to 5) out of 5 stars.

This review took me some days to get around to solely for the fact that I couldn’t begin to gather my words for this piece.
Jamie Jo Hoang brings brutal honestly in ‘My Father, the Panda Killer’ and it hits as a fellow child of immigrant parents. There was no shying away from the journey to America that many children come to learn of their parents over time, striking heavy with the tale of a refugee child just trying to survive and his daughter doing the same within her own home.

Jane has lived her life ignoring her family history and heritage. She’s grown up learning to almost forget or look down on her culture until a family gathering has her realizing something- despite what they’d each gone through, her cousins feel a sort of love for their parents and she can’t help but find a constant forgiveness in her father too.
Jane begins to open up to the idea of looking into herself and showing her brother the life she has always shied away from and resented. To keep her brother from fully disappearing into himself as she has done, Jane weaves a story of her family’s past to Paul, told with the bits she’s overhead with time and the pieces she can only assume from what she already knows.

“My Father, the Panda Killer’ intwines two stories of past and present to tell a hard hitting story about Jane finding her place again and helping her brother one last time before she leaves for the next chapter of her own life.


It was so hard to think of words for this book review because it made me so *emotional* throughout the middle until the very last page. I, Jane and Jamie in her pre and after story letters, always shied away and couldn’t understand the ideals of my parents. While this book discusses some hard to read topics and issues (there’s a content warning that shouldn’t be ignored at the front of the book), I still think it was moving and even eye-opening as a child of immigrants. There’s things that our parents do differently than is normal in America, and it’s so hard to find this solace without other family and friends, so hard to find this boundary for yourself within whatever generational traumas are being carried. This book really made me feel so much for Jane, the imperfect main character with an imperfect family just trying to figure out how to heal.netgalley-reads5 s Ryan Eslinger6

An Empathetic Journey of Understanding and Forgiveness

In MY FATHER, THE PANDA KILLER, Jamie Jo Hoang weaves an epic story that resonates with shades of LIFE OF PI. The novel introduces readers to Jane, a Vietnamese-American teenager who endures life with her emotionally and physically abusive father, Phúc, while working at the family liquor store in the 1990s. The story takes a poignant turn when Jane is accepted into college at UCLA, compelling her to make a wrenching decision - whether to leave her younger brother, Paul, alone with their father as the sole recipient of his anger, as their mother had abandoned them long ago.

The story gracefully shifts between Jane's struggles in the 1990s and her father's gripping journey from war-torn Vietnam in the 1970s. Phúc's harrowing experiences are heightened by fantastical elements, providing a unique perspective on his tumultuous past.

At its core, this novel delicately explores themes of understanding and compassion. As a second-generation Vietnamese American, Jane finds herself grappling with pain and abuse she cannot fully comprehend. The story does not shy away from hard questions and refuses to offer easy answers. Just as Jane faces the heart-wrenching decision of leaving her brother behind to escape Phúc's violence, Phúc, too, confronts countless impossible choices during his perilous journey to America as a young boy. The generational cycle of PTSD, handed down from parent to child, is poignantly depicted, challenging the characters and readers to break this cycle.

Jamie Jo Hoang's writing is remarkable for its ability to connect with readers on a deeply emotional level. Building on the touching complexity displayed in her previous adult novel, BLUE SUN, YELLOW SKY, the author delves into a well of trauma partially inspired by real-life events, crafting an essential story of forgiveness and understanding in her debut YA novel. High schoolers and younger readers will find valuable tools within these pages to comprehend, confront, and overcome abuse.

MY FATHER, THE PANDA KILLER lingers in the mind long after the final page is turned. By exploring the complexities of family dynamics, the refugee experience, and the power of empathy, Hoang creates a poignant ode to resilience, encouraging us all to understand and support those who have faced unimaginable challenges.3 s Shannon5,339 291

4.5 rounded up!

Wow this YA debut was such an emotionally heavy coming of age story featuring a Vietnamese American teen girl and her immigrant father's journey to America.

Told from alternating POVs and timelines, we get to know Jane as she tries to prepare for college, knowing she'll be leaving her little brother behind with their emotionally and physically abusive, alcoholic father.

Delving into anti-Asian racism in America, complex immigrant family dynamics and the challenges of trying to live your own life while also feeling guilty about the well-being of other family members. This was such a well-written, moving story and excellent on audio performed by Quyen Ngo (a new to me narrator).

Many thanks to @prhaudio for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review! I will eagerly be looking forward to the sequel featuring Jane's brother Paul and his relationship with the mother who abandoned them. Perfect for fans of authors Kelly Yang or Mark H K Choi.aapi-books prh-audio ya-fiction2 s Kirby37 5

Trigger warning: honestly if you have triggers just approach this with caution because it doesn’t have trigger warnings. But it is very good. Just deeply heavy.2 s Melissa53

Honest, powerful and eye-opening young adult novel told by two narrators - a teenage American born to immigrant parents and the father who emigrated from his homeland of Vietnam. Jane's father Phuc is violent, demanding, and trying to provide for his two children as a single-father. As Jane meets more of her extended family, she learns more of her father's history dating back to the Vietnam War and begins to understand the why behind many of his actions. Still, she wants to move forward with her own life, attend college, and become a different parent than her own. This is a powerful book with several scenes depicting child abuse - be mindful when offering to students as knowing their own background and providing conversations and context to them will be important.2 s Jenni579 19

This was a hard read and I had to wait over a week to write my review, just to let the story settle a bit.

This book tells two stories: one of Jane, a teenager who has grown up in the US and is the child of Vietnamese parents. And her father's story, when he was much younger and escaped Vietnam during the war.

Jane helps her father to run their convenience store. But things are not good at home. Her father is very physically abusive to Jane, often beating her with a stick so that she must constantly hide her bruises. I still don't understand why she didn't report his abuse and have him locked up. It would have saved her and her little brother from so much pain.

Her father's story is one of war, death, and hard times. No matter what he had gone through in his past, i still couldn't care about this man, who was so grossly abusive.

Not my thing. The abuse scenes were hard to read and very off-putting.This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.Show full review2 s Stephanie Ridiculous371 9

This was super griping/engaging and left me with a lot of conflicting emotions. I think that's part of the point, but I'm having a hard time unpacking it. Here are some thoughts in list form.

-Just, so many trigger warnings. I was pretty quickly surprised that this is considered YA and it's not something I would really recommend to most teenagers I know. TW for child abuse, neglect, abandonment, sexual assault, war, violence, domestic abuse, animal abuse, and more.

-I love an unreliable narrator!

-This entire book boils down to Jane trying to understand her father, their family, and their culture. There's a lot of interesting stuff as a result of that; reconnecting with her culture and changing her opinions on other immigrants pretty significantly, coming into her own regarding decisions about her future and why she's making them, and some direct acknowledgement regarding breaking the cycles of abuse & struggling with the impact her abuse has had on her own processing of anger/emotions. Those were all really really great.

-In the process of the above, though, Jane is also coming to terms with why her father is so abusive, and this is where the book becomes complicated for me. It should be complicated, granted, as generational trauma is a very complicated thing. It's not comfortable or easy or simple to live in a home that contains deep and complex trauma, or to be part of a wider culture and community that contains deep and complex trauma. What I did about this exploration was how genuine and authentic it felt, but this is also the genesis of a lot of my concerns, too.

In many ways Jane's telling of her father's story is an effort to normalize his abuse, and the goal is pretty clearly to explain to her brother why their dad beats them. Understanding dad's trauma is certainly a worthwhile and important undertaking (although I am conflicted about children taking that on), but the impact, I think, is essentially normalizing and accepting that abusive behavior from him & their community at large. I have deep concerns about a young person (or anyone, really) reading this and concluding their own abuse is something they shouldn't take to anyone because of how abuse is handled in this story. It's definitely not the authors job to teach their readers on how to navigate their own personal experiences; the authors job is to tell the story they're trying to convey and I think that is done well here. However, it's also laid out pretty explicitly that you shouldn't meddle in another families business.

Specifically, (spoilers) Jane's friend Jackie tells her mom about how Jane is being abused at home. We learn that Jackie's mom chews her out for tattling on Jane, and lectures her about how spoiled she is, how she doesn't understand, how it's none of her business, etc. etc. This is in line with the wider narrative about trauma being complex, but is also furthering this notion that what Jane and Paul are going through is acceptable (even if not ideal.) The conversation between Jane and Jackie about this in particular drives home that, essentially, this is an issue of culture and Jackie is too Americanized and doesn't understand & has no right to be upset/worried/concerned for her friend, or want better for her. While Jane's attitude about this is entirely in line with the way abuse victims often rationalize their experience, it isn't fully challenged in the narrative and as a result I think if you are navigating similar waters and are unsure what to believe, this book will reinforce ideas "if you didn't mess up you wouldn't get beat" and "I deserve this" and "this is my fault" and generally that abusing children is mostly a matter of cultural differences. And to be clear, in case you haven't read this yet, we're not talking about differing opinions of what routine discipline looks . We're talking about full on violent and vicious beatings that leave marks for weeks, on children.

Jane does a lot of grappling re: why dad is this way, and how it isn't excusable, but in the end she does excuse him. She accepts it, and is prepping Paul to do the same by explaining their dad's story so he will understand why their dad treats them the way he does. The narration goes to great lengths to establish that dad is both bad and good, and you can't separate that out - and in many ways tries to drive home that you have to accept both. The book is, essentially, about Jane conditioning Paul to navigate dads abuse the way she did - bearing down under it, doing better to avoid provoking him, and having compassion for dad because of what he has endured. Dad deserves compassion! And maybe it's unfair to put the weight of dispelling all of this on Jane, but I wish she had talked with Paul about how dad's abuse isn't indicative of their worth - that it's a reflection of their dad, not of them. That's an unreasonable request, as I don't think Jane believes that and it takes a long time to abuse victims to unpack that; I just wish someone had really championed that message and planted that seed in a way that was cultivated instead of shot down Jackie's concerns were.

I do maintain that it isn't the authors job to explain to people the nuances of reality, but I am longing for some kind of acknowledgement that if you are being abused Jane is, you should - or can - seek help. A list of resources in the back, perhaps. I know that desire from me is rooted in western ideals of family dynamics and the privilege that if I needed to call the authorities I ly wouldn't come to harm from those who showed up - and that Jane's father does not share that privilege. I know that my grappling with this issue stems from a different lived experience with a different context, and that those things really do matter here & influence the way I receive this book. That the book has stirred me to such conflicted emotions is a indication of story told well, no doubt. It is painfully authentic and real and genuiene. I am unsure I'll be recommending this to anyone, though, or at least I will be very intentional in how I recommend it. This is not a book for the faint of heart!20241 1 comment V (Taylor and Laufey’s Version)254

i think, unequivocally, the best types of books are the ones that make the readers feel. sadness, joy, nostalgia, or just that pang in the chest that comes with how painfully accurate something is to your life and your experiences. this is one of those books.

as i'm writing this, my dad is watching a c-drama with viet subtitles downstairs. my mom's cooking dinner, and i know i'll be sauntering down later in the dead of night asking for a taste of something that smells lemongrass and fish sauce. this is the life i've always known, and it's a pretty good one. sure, i'm not a millionaire's kid, but i can get a home-cooked lunch each day and parents to come home to.

jane, i did have to face the wrath of bamboo sticks when i was much, much younger. after one too many reports of misbehavior from preschool, i'd get the same bruises on my backside. my parents, thankfully, stopped after that; maybe i got better, maybe they realized talking to me was a better way to go.

but i know so many viet kids who don't have that olive branch extended to them yet. i've grown up with them, i've eaten lunch with them, i've sat and talked with them about how much we hate our families but also how cursed we are to love them. because you can't really hate the people who are your blood, your face, who have influenced your very heart and beliefs, the people who sacrificed so much to give you a better life than them, but sometimes, it's so very hard not to.

i know a kid i used to carpool with in preschool whose parents will beat him over a bad grade. i know a girl i talk to almost every day who covers up the pain through dark, self-deprecating humor. is it abuse? is it tough love? is it a constant warning to do better, to be better? is it just how their parents were taught, and it's what they're teaching to their kids as a result?

they're getting out the second they turn 18. they'll get a car and go to a college far, far away, and send a text message or two occasionally. they'll move into dorms and stay at some friend's house for the holidays. they'll meet someone and get married and have kids. and there are two paths for them - they can continue this cycle of generational trauma, making their children fear them as they themselves feared their parents' sticks, or they can choose to break from those old habits.

through the duration of this book, i was reminded of hiding my lunch in elementary school because everyone would make a big deal over why it looked so weird compared to their lunchables. i remember lying that i didn't have a middle name on essays because it was way too difficult to pronounce and i didn't want anyone trying and butchering it (thuy; it translates to 'stinky' in vietnamese, if said with the wrong inflection.) to this day, even, on attendance lists, i wince every time a teacher tries (and fails) to pronounce my name correctly. i remember in those moments wishing i was a jessica or an emma or a claire, who got to go to concerts and sleepovers every weekend and had parents who'd say 'i'm proud of you' and grew up to be loving, kind moms to their own kids with perfect high school football player husbands. i think about my earliest stories, which were always escapades of some some charlotte or isabelle with blonde hair and blue eyes. i remember seeing disney princess sticker books with everyone as perfect blondes and brunettes.

i have so many feelings about this book, because it feels i've lived it. i've seen phuc on the boat, i've seen jane get punished for not picking up paul on time, i've seen the dinner where the cousins bond over how badly their parents fucked them up. and i have witnessed it through the lives of others, not just my own. vietnamese diaspora books are an emotional rollercoaster, and this one was no exception. jamie jo hoang you motherfucking legend. vietnamese-diaspora-wheeeeee1 Deborah LinnAuthor 2 books21

I received the ARC of Jamie Jo Hoang's My Father, the Panda Killer from a Goodreads Giveaway. I'm glad I did because I might not have stuck with the book otherwise--and not because I didn't the book. It's really very well done. I just try not to read sad stories, and My Father, the Panda Killer is exactly that. It's sad. And beautiful. And haunting.

The story starts with an intriguing chapter from the teenage Jane's point of view. She's determined, angry, reliable, and (what we don't realize until later) scared. Her mother has left the family. She is now stuck with her abusive father and her sweet little brother. She's trying to balance the high school experience of good friends and ex friends with the Viet Nam family experience of traditions, expectations, and war-wounded souls. It's a lot, too much really.

The whole story is really about Jane finding that balance. In order to find it--and for the reader to understand it--the author switches every other chapter between Jane's current POV and her father's point of view when he was a young teen sent by his family on a boat to escape the war. The horrors he witnesses and survives are more than anyone, especially a child, should ever encounter.

**SPOILERS START HERE***

In the end, Jane see her father's past trauma as a reason, maybe even a justification, for his abusiveness. In some ways, it's a fitting ending to the story. Jane realizes that she can't change her father. She admits that she doesn't really hate him, but she doesn't really love him either. I suppose that's the best that she--and the reader--could hope for.

For me, the story starts out with the promise of a possible overcoming but ends with disappointing acceptance. I suppose that is the first step.

I think the main reason this book resonates with such sadness is it's authenticity. The author creates such real, flawed, believable characters that the reader feels as if they are reading a biography rather than a fictional tale. Jane's emotional confusion is so authentic, that the reader hardly blames her. Instead, we pity her. We want to scoop her up in the warmest hug and take her away from all the pain. But we can't. We can only watch. The reader experience mirrors the characters' experiences--both Jane's and her fathers. And that, my friends, is damn good writing. young-adult1 Alisha (booksmellz)485 4

Trigger Warnings: Generational trauma, physical abuse, violence

My Father, The Panda Killer is told through Jane, in San Jose, 1999, as she tries to explain to her 7-year-old brother why their dad can’t control his anger. It’s because back in his own country, in ?à N?ng, Vietnam, 1975 Phúc (rhymes with Duke), is eleven the first time his mother through him through the minefields, fallen airplanes, and debris to a refugee boat. But, before the sun even rises, more than half the people aboard will perish. Fleeing the horrors of this homeland, Phúc’s difficult journey across the Pacific has just started as he fights to survive Thai pirates, starvation, hallucination, and the murder of a panda.

Told in alternating voices of Jane and Phúc, this novel tells the unflinching story of the Vietnam war, its impact on multiple generations, and how one American teenager battles along the path to accepting her heritage and herself.

This novel is definitely unflinching in the struggles and horrors Vietnamese boat people had to endure in order to survive. Jamie Jo Hoang brings to light how those experiences still trickle down generations and how, even in America, first generation children were raised in completely different worlds and conditions.

What got me was that after everything Phúc went through, when he meets Jane’s mom for the first time on the boat over to Guam from Hong Kong, he’s so dismissive of her and also so hard on her. - he wasn’t going to clean up after himself because she’s a woman and that’s what women do. And he gets mad at her for playing with a jump rope? We had gotten so much of his story and on that boat trip, it felt Phúc flipped a switch and I didn’t get it. Maybe it’s because he was still trying to hold onto his Vietnamese culture, but still…

Overall, this is a beautiful novel that gives a wonderful insight on both the Vietnam War and what some first generation Americans (and others) have experienced as a result of the War. I would recommend this to those who want to read more about Vietnamese culture and the legacy of immigrant and refugee experiences.

*Thank you Crown Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for a digital advance copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review1 Randi (readsrandiread)397 367 Read

Do you ever finish a book and then massively struggle with how to feel about it??? Seriously, I can’t even decide what to write here. Which may lead one to ask why I’m bothering, to which I have no answer.
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