Alone, we had become the lies he had told us. Together, we were learning to unravel it. We were building the chain. We were learning to replace him with ourselves.
In January of 2017, after leaving the clinic room in which she had taken the first dose of the abortifacient that her boyfriend had talked her into, Chimene Suleyman discovered that this boyfriend — the love of her life — was never who she thought he was, and now he was gone; leaving nothing behind but a text telling her that she was now ruined and unworthy of love. Suleyman would eventually learn that this man (never named) similarly ruined the lives of dozens of other women — defrauding some of them of tens of thousands of dollars — and by growing a mutually supportive community with these other victims, Suleyman was able to eventually find a place of healing from which to examine the persistent systems of misogyny that allow men this to escape consequences. The Chain tells Suleyman’s story (as well as some details from other women’s relationships with this man), examines how society celebrates the playboy (while denigrating the women who get played), and concludes that women (and especially in the wake of the #MeToo movement) can find the power to fight back against this type of toxic masculinity when they band together, share their stories, and support one another. The details of Suleyman’s story are shocking and compelling, but it’s the thoughtful social commentary that makes this an elevated read. (Note: I read an ARC and passages quoted may not be in their final forms.)

I reached for my keys, but put them away. I turned the handle on my apartment door and expected, rightly, that it would open. The shirts he left in my closet were no longer there. His T-shirts that had filled the bottom drawer, gone. His sneakers that had formed a neat line against my shoes, and some of my belongings too, gone with him. No one should love me. And I believed him. Because I had been taught to.
There’s a lot going on in this memoir: Suleyman is of Turkish Muslim heritage (not white but “white-passing”; what this boyfriend called “sandy”) and had emigrated to America from the Britain she was raised in. Suffering from Depression, a recent breakup, and other pressures from feeling isolated in NYC, Suleyman was a perfect target for this man who d to lovebomb new girlfriends and then beg understanding for his own mental health challenges (claiming to have been diagnosed with Agoraphobia and Autism); what started as fun and exciting became this man needing to be taken care of, and if the woman had money, he’d clean her out for supposed stays in mental health care facilities or travel money to get to the big job that would allow him to pay her back. He accidentally-on-purpose got more than one woman pregnant (and talked them into abortions that not all of them wanted), he made a habit of taking pictures of his girlfriends sleeping nude without their consent (sometimes sharing them in a group chat with his buddies), and he routinely disappeared when the fun stopped. As a stand-up comedian, a lot of his material was about how dumb women are (four nights before her abortion, Suleyman thought that her boyfriend was sitting with his mother in Atlanta as she was dying, but he was actually in NYC doing a set about how much he hates Muslims), and it was a revelation for Suleyman to watch YouTube videos of his standup routines, in the aftermath of their breakup, and hear men in the audience guffawing at the most unfunny misogynist lines:

Comedy is an invisibility cloak for the men who hate women. It’s not objectification, it’s social commentary! It’s not chauvinism, I’m in character! It’s not a rape joke, it’s intellectual critique! It’s not bullying, it’s risqué! It’s not harassment, it’s banter! It’s not a slur, it’s a play on words! “Good” comedy is meant to push boundaries, meant to shock, meant to provoke. If you don’t it, maybe you’re too sensitive, too literal, maybe you’re just not smart enough to get it.
Suleyman makes the point that while we might be shocked by the extent of the abuses committed by the s of Harvey Weinstein and Jeffery Epstein, popular entertainers R. Kelly (in the lyrics of his songs) and Jimmy Savile (in countless interviews) told people exactly who they were and what they got up to, and the world just sang and laughed along (as underage victims of sexual abuse were silenced by this apparent cultural acceptance of their experience). Suleyman discusses quite a few male celebrities, and while I think it’s fair to examine the abuses of Bill Cosby and Louis CK (and maybe to a lesser extent, allegations made against Aziz Ansari), I don’t know if it is fair to lump Robert Downey Jr and Mark Wahlberg in with Chris Brown as similarly forgiven for past crimes (or to list celebrities Ernest Hemingway, John Lennon, Johnny Cash and Russel Brand as all using the depression they suffered as an excuse for the women in their lives to clean up the chaos they created). It all makes the larger point, however, that when we excuse celebrities of their bad behaviour, we are setting a standard for how the unfamous are treated: many of the boyfriend’s buddies were disgusted when they found out that he had taken these women for so much money, but Suleyman demands to know why they weren’t similarly disgusted by how he used their bodies. The antidote, according to Suleyman, is for women to get loud, tell their stories, and join together; if men, and the society they continue to dominate, don't care about the mistreatment of women, women need to focus on caring for each other:

There is no singular experience of womanhood and we create the chain to remind ourselves of this. We stand beside each other in such a way that we may say, Tell me your story as a woman, and yours, and yours, and yours. I do not know what it is to be a Jewish woman, a Black woman, or trans, or gay, or disabled, or a sex worker, or a prisoner, or a pilot, or a seamstress, or four husbands deep (yet). Where I fall in our flawed verses of womanhood is that I am unlucky in some ways and fortunate in others. What we share is history. What we share is the need to talk, to say we made it or we didn’t. Survival isn’t enough and it musn’t be.
Overall, a compelling read. If I had a complaint: I don’t mind that Suleyman chose not to name the boyfriend, but I didn’t that every “he, him, or his” she used to refer to him was italicised (I was mentally emphasising the word every time, and it became distracting), and similarly, she italicised “the chain” every time as well, and that felt cutesy and disempowering. Small complaints, good read.
2024 arc memoir ...more14 s4 comments Ameema S.593 52

4.5 - 5 stars

“Chimene Suleyman’s The Chain is an unputdownable true account of one man’s betrayal of many, many women. In January 2017, Suleyman chose to have an abortion, taken to the clinic by her loving boyfriend. When she stepped out of the clinic after the procedure, her boyfriend was gone, and not answering any of her texts, and when she got home, he was gone, along with all of his stuff (and some of hers). Grieving, confused, and looking for answers, she stumbles onto a social media post with a picture of his face, and a caption calling him a psychopath. She quickly learns that she wasn’t his first victim, nor his last. This is a fast-paced and addictive read, that’s part memoir, part “whodunnit” scammer story, and part exploration of misogyny, and the collective power of women. A beautiful account of the “chains” we make, through whisper networks, and over coffee — the chains that share information, connect us, and keep us safe.”

From: https://www.shedoesthecity.com/20-of-...


This was an unputdownable and powerful story about misogyny and abuse, as well as sisterhood, solidarity, whisper networks, and acts of care that come together to form a “chain” that binds women together, in support and solidarity.

Part memoir, part cultural critique of misogyny and the ways our culture enables and allows it, this was fast- paced and horrifying. I know this wasn’t the point of the story, but I took multiple breaks to try to breathlessly google the name of this abuser…. so if anyone does know, feel free to tell me lol.

I received an advanced reading copy of this book, from the publisher, in exchange for my honest feedback.aapi-authors arcs bios-and-memoirs ...more7 s Charlotte Rossiky9 2

Good story disappointingly written.

Not much need to avoid spoilers here. The story – woman uses social media to discover boyfriend is a serial deceiver – is on the back of the book and in several excerpts available on the web. The question for me was what else there might be.

I hoped for characterful depictions of the women of the ‘chain’ – we don’t get enough descriptions of women’s friendships in literature - then maybe a vivid portrait of an abuser and some insights into his psychology or his victim's vulnerabilities and even some historical and political perspectives. How does the ancient and distinctively male crime of bigamy play out in the internet age, where there are so many more possibilities for both inception and discovery?

None of this, unfortunately, was there. 'The Chain' spits out its story in the first two chapters then adds a diatribe about the abuser’s comedy sets and another about the close detail of the social media takedown. Other than that, it repetitively ruminates through chapters which are part twitter-thread/tiktok video and part performance poem.

The characterization is superficial throughout: the women of ‘The Chain’ are all the same because Suleyman hasn’t the art of using small details to make them distinctive or of creating a journey towards understanding or friendship. The abuser is just that – no insights or moments of sympathy allowed. The same is true of her own autobiographical portrait: she shows us her victimhood but never makes herself vulnerable to any actual moral ambiguity. As for other perspectives- I don’t think Suleyman has read many books. The references are all to social media scandals of the last few years and honestly I had not heard of many of them.

She writes as if she were permanently on Twitter/X too. Time is handled poorly – there is no tension paragraph to paragraph let alone chapter to chapter. There are lots of clichés (the descriptions of rat infested, dive-filled, shoot-out heavy NYC are hilarious if you’ve ever lived there.) There are a lot of short sentences. Just to make the point. And. Swearing! And being exhausted instead of actually exploring or explaining anything.

Also very social media: using big words in a vague way: ‘you were catcalled with unceasing momentum’ (momentum?) ‘Good people assault. Bad people assault. Both things are possible in a world where language and action have not fully collided.’ Collided? Pompous language in other words. Portentous, pretentious language. It riled me that she did not know the meaning of ‘singular’ but kept using it, resulting in nonsense this ‘Because women’s bodies are not singular, yet I had further understood the meaning of being treated as mass on this day’. (me neither, and no, she can’t punctuate.) Cumulatively, the lack of precision has a blunting, dulling effect.

And that’s the problem, in the end. This book is about an interesting experience but it is quite boring and definitely not the literary work it sets itself up to be. I’d avoid it. The excerpts in the Times of London tell you all you need to know and are a better read. I suspect they still employ sub-editors there.6 s2 comments Natasha Kempnich117 2

I know to say this in January is a big claim… but probably one of the most important books I am going to read this year6 s Harriet207

Rating: ????

Just want to preface this (mini) review by saying my rating is no reflection on the story of these women which is truly inspiring, as well as gut-wrenching, infuriating, and heartbreaking. But this very fact made the poor writing even more of a let down for me, as I really wanted to love this book. I just felt it was not very engaging, repetitive, and had confusing time jumps.
5 s Kelly PrambergerAuthor 6 books42

Brave and intimate - I couldn't put this memoir down. Excellent storytelling though heartbreaking at times there is hope. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.4 s Gayle (OutsmartYourShelf)1,773 33

January 2017, & the author arrives at an abortion clinic in Queens, New York with her boyfriend. He opts to wait in the waiting room but when the appointment is over, he is nowhere to be seen. Arriving home, all his possessions are gone, & then he sends a harsh text abruptly ending their relationship. In the aftermath of this cruel betrayal, the author discovers that she is not the first (or last) that this man has used & discarded - there's a trail of women left bewildered, angry, & down thousands of dollars. In these darkest times, it is friendships with fellow women that help the author to heal & move forward with her life.

Such a personal memoir is difficult to give a rating, as how do you review someone's experiences & feelings? It's obviously written from the heart & the author's pain is evident. It can become a little ranty & meandering at times but given her experiences I understand it. On a wider scale, the author looks at how society is set up to facilitate this kind of behaviour: from friends who are inclined to ignore or condone the behaviour of this type of man, to the double standard that women are socialised into keep giving badly behaved men another chance but when they are hurt & deceived, they are told they should have known better.

I think all women who date men should read this book. There are many (of course not all), far too many men who don't view women as people - the best comparison I've seen (can't remember where I read it unfortunately) is that they view us as NPCs (non-player characters) - there to just facilitate their lives without any inner life or needs of our own. Alongside narcissists & those being 'red-pilled', dating is no longer pleasant for many women. Not that women get away scot free, they can also be misogynistic (aka 'I'm not other girls') & judgmental towards other women.

The author brings up some really interesting points that I've been thinking about since I finished reading this book yesterday. The main thing I personally took away from this book is that we need to stop viewing ourselves & other women through the male gaze. Such an important point that need reiterating. Overall, honest memoir about a difficult experience, but it can meander a little & become a little repetitive. 4 stars.

My thanks to NetGalley & publishers, Orion Publishing Group/Weidenfeld & Nicolson, for the opportunity to read an ARC. arcs-free-review-copy autobiography-biography-memoir feminism ...more3 s Robyn Covell84 2

This was such a twisted tale, the first half felt fiction. So much of Chimene’s experiences ring true to mine and all the women I know. It’s tough and sad to read yet another account of a woman recounting her treatment and saying, “This is not ok!!”. I was briefly fascinated and tried to track “him” down on YouTube or through instagram, but sadly and poignantly there are so many similar misogynistic comedy sets and #metoo testimonies that the task seems impossible.
Big Thanks to Harper Collins for the opportunity to read this one early.3 s Nikki DiVirgilio53 3

I was taken in at the beginning and then I had enough of hearing about this terrible man. He didn’t deserve all the pages she wrote about him. She was repetitive and the writing lacked cohesiveness and depth or self-reflection. It became more of a rant. 2 s Megan Walder17 8

A microcosmic view of being a woman in the 21st century, this book offers is an opportunity to relate, heal, grieve and learn. Chimene and her chain’s experiences are that of you and your friends. These are not new stories to us but offer us a new way to observe them. You find yourself wanting to offer a kindness to Chimene that you’d never offer to yourself and there’s a real beauty in that lesson and an intelligence behind this first-person story of such a global issue.

Whilst slightly repetitive at times, this book has left a lasting impact on me.

“There is a fearlessness in the way women love each other.”

Thank you to Net Galley and Orion Publishing Group for the opportunity to read this book. 2 s Lisa San Martín 115 1 follower

As the kids say, quite triggering. 2 s Andrew614 201

A devastating account of how some women experience their public and private worlds. And the men who, sadly, disappointingly, still, contribute to building those worlds.2 s Ri 411 59 Read

gut-wrenching, infuriating, unsurprising. A window into womanhood and the chain of sisterhood that ties us all together. hc-reads2 s Amy (amysbooked)224 4

Thank you to the publisher for the advance copy!

Synopsis: This book starts with our author at a clinic about to get an abortion. Her partner is next to her. He does not come back with her. When she's done, she comes out and he is gone. He's left her. Not just at the clinic, but left their relationship too. Soon, she finds out that he's done this before. Harming women is his MO.

Review: This book was something else. First, the fact that this man is not in prison is infuriating but, as the author points out, not surprising. Second, this book had some of the most profound quotes I've ever read in a book. The first page reads:

"I think back to a time on a bright blue lake. Clear skies. The water just shallow enough to drown in. There were fourteen fish in a bucket of water, kept alive for longer so they may be fresher when dead. My love, is that not how men love women?

That is to say, you will kill us, then stand back and watch us remember how to breathe."

I knew from the moment I read that, that this book was going to be a hard, but necessary read. Hard in the way baring your soul is, necessary in the way it is to know you're not alone in your experiences. This book was not about a man who and the women he harmed. It is about the chain that connects all women, that is the shared experience of being a woman in a world that believes, lifts up, and propels men foreward. 1 Gurjyot12

3.75 ?? Devoured this book in one sitting. I will preface this by saying that my review is based on the contents of the story as the experiences shared are by all of these women is rage inducing, heartbreaking, and far too relatable. However, the writing style was not for me - it was a little hard to follow and felt a bit repetitive at times. Certain passages in between her recount of events were skimable.

Please be aware of potential triggers before reading

Some quotes that stuck out:

“There wasn’t an obvious moment when he, or the relationship, changed. Instances injected into the good, until the memory of the good was the only thing keeping you.”

“And so I needed to know precisely what had made me unlovable. Not so I might improve myself once I had an extensive catalogue of all that was wrong, but so I could confirm that I was right to feel I had never been good enough.”

“There is fearlessness in the way women love each other.”

Thank you to the author and publishers for sending me this e-ARC through NetGalley 1 Joanne1,445 34

Very personal-almost too personal-memoir of a woman and her partner who was a real p*ick. This guy left quite a few angry women in his wake. This is the story of the ‘sisterhood’ formed in common hatred of this dude.

While I feel some sympathy for the author, and there’s something to be said for getting your gripes down on paper, I also feel there’s value in remembering to —as our sister friends from Frozen reminded us—let it goooooooo…. though that can be easier said than done.

But this narcissist dirtbag that’s she’s writing about doesn’t deserve all this real estate in her head-or in ours, to be honest. Overall, I was not a fan of this sad memoir. Also (through no fault of her own,) the author’s accent is very, very thick on audio, too, making it a less than easy listen.1 Mary Yeung233 9 Read

I never rate memoirs/non fiction. It feels wrong to criticize or put a rating on someone’s life.
But I will say that this is a devastating story that was written poorly. I wish it wasn’t so repetitive and I didn’t really feel the metaphor of “the chain.”

Thank you netgalley and Harper Collins for the e-arc in exchange for my honest opinion.netgalley1 Tegan B6

This was such an important memoir and I could not put it down. Whilst at times it was hard to read, that was purely down to disbelief at just how this man mistreated and abused hundreds of women. Its such a powerful book and Chimene has not held back (rightly so).1 abbie115 4

incredible. raw and painful and will stay with me for years after reading 1 Carolyn Drake710 12

It seems churlish to criticise a book written by a woman treated so appallingly by a serial abuser, but I struggled to finish this. The story is told early on, when Suleyman discovers her ex-boyfriend has deceived, impregnated, stolen, gaslighted, and abandoned a whole tribe of women, who grow in number as his infidelities and pattern of coercive behaviour is uncovered and made public. The tale is horrifying and fascinating, but after the initial reveal it got stuck in the author's understandable personal trauma, examining her feelings over and over in what felt eavesdropping on a laborious series of therapy sessions. I felt this would have been an excellent article, but as a book the relentlessness and repitition ground me down. 1 Ruth144 9

On the day of her abortion, a woman finds that the father of her embryo has vanished. This begins a saga of figuring out who he really is and his intentions. She manages to figure out that he was not who he appeared to be, and lied throughout their relationship, as he had many other relationships with other women he had no intention of committing to.

This memoir is part confessional, part commentary on the state of womens' place in a male-dominated society that dismisses us and excuses men as they abuse, in however subtle ways, the women they claim to depend on.

The author's only saving grace is amassing a cadre of women who had been abused similarly by the same man, and together they created social media profiles and descriptions warning others who may fall prey to his sociopathic schemes.

A feminist manifesto as well as a memoir of grief.1 Books By Your Bedside611 18

Thanks to NetGalley and W&N for the advance copy of this title in return for an honest review.

I had been sooooo eager to read this, ever since I first saw it online. And whilst we don't (we do) judge books by their covers, this one really drew me in.

There were some very good bits of this book, and some bits that didn't quite hold my attention.

At times I forgot this wasn't a storybook, because there's some horrifying things in it that you hope are just fictional. But then you remember that the world can be this and people can be this, and it's not a nice thought.

I tell you, she really sells New York as a place to live! I've never been someone who dreams of visiting America, but others, New York has always held a bit of a fancy idea in my head, of Times Square and Broadway. But she's really got to the nitty gritty in this book; the crime, the dirt, the rubbish, the smells, the murders - it all seems simply delightful
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